It’s amazing what can trigger the “want”…today, one of my daughter’s friends came over after school so my daughter could help her with her project. Now I use the term friend loosely – because this is one of the two who created a LOT of drama at daughter’s birthday party. There are other recent situations which have caused me to lose respect for said friend, and she is very much the Eddie Haskell type. All smiles and niceties for my sake…then she proceeds to act like a total snobby diva.
I was taken aback when my first reaction was to want a drink! Yep – I thought this would possibly get “easier” in time, when instead, I find it harder and harder. I truly did think it through – like how in the world would that make things any better? I know it would make it worse…way worse. And I also came here to vent. I had already finished my 45 minutes on the treadmill stewing about it, but I’m still feeling a little fragile, so I felt the need for MYSELF to check in here before we head out for our weekly family game night thing.
This is the place where up until last Wednesday I ALWAYS had 3-4 chardonnays. And because said friend is going with us, I am still being lured by the urge because I DON’T want to deal with her. Some of you may be saying, just tell her no. But you parents know – the more you tell your child they can’t hang out with someone, the more they will want to be their friend. And this one is truly not a bad kid – just someone who is still learning what it takes to be a friend.
A teeny tiny part of me even thought earlier – what’s one night? Why would those folks who don’t even know you even need to know? But of course, I would know, and I vowed from the get go to be honest – with myself and with you.
I’m not gonna lie. I have a pity party going on. I am resentful of the folks who don’t seem to be cursed with this same problem. I am resentful of the glamorization that society allows to be associated with alcohol. I am just not in my happy place right now. But I know we will go and play and have fun without the need for the disillusion that a couple of chardonnays would bring.
I’m allowed to wallow every once in awhile, right? I am actually a very good wallower – better than I’d like to be. I have to realize that I am on the right path…even though the road may sometimes be bumpy and full of obstacles, I know the one thing I need to do to make it through. And that’s what I’m doing…Hitting send before I chicken out.