Wow…Sneaky Son of a Gun…

It’s amazing what can trigger the “want”…today, one of my daughter’s friends came over after school so my daughter could help her with her project.  Now I use the term friend loosely – because this is one of the two who created a LOT of drama at daughter’s birthday party.  There are other recent situations which have caused me to lose respect for said friend, and she is very much the Eddie Haskell type.  All smiles and niceties for my sake…then she proceeds to act like a total snobby diva.

I was taken aback when my first reaction was to want a drink!  Yep – I thought this would possibly get “easier” in time, when instead, I find it harder and harder.  I truly did think it through – like how in the world would that make things any better?  I know it would make it worse…way worse.  And I also came here to vent.  I had already finished my 45 minutes on the treadmill stewing about it, but I’m still feeling a little fragile, so I felt the need for MYSELF to check in here before we head out for our weekly family game night thing.

This is the place where up until last Wednesday I ALWAYS had 3-4 chardonnays.   And because said friend is going with us, I am still being lured by the urge because I DON’T want to deal with her.  Some of you may be saying, just tell her no.  But you parents know – the more you tell your child they can’t hang out with someone, the more they will want to be their friend.  And this one is truly not a bad kid – just someone who is still learning what it takes to be a friend.

A teeny tiny part of me even thought earlier – what’s one night?  Why would those folks who don’t even know you even need to know?  But of course, I would know, and I vowed from the get go to be honest – with myself and with you.

I’m not gonna lie.  I have a pity party going on.  I am resentful of the folks who don’t seem to be cursed with this same problem.  I am resentful of the glamorization that society allows to be associated with alcohol.  I am just not in my happy place right now.  But I know we will go and play and have fun without the need for the disillusion that a couple of chardonnays would bring.

I’m allowed to wallow every once in awhile, right?  I am actually a very good wallower – better than I’d like to be.  I have to realize that I am on the right path…even though the road may sometimes be bumpy and full of obstacles, I know the one thing I need to do to make it through.  And that’s what I’m doing…Hitting send before I chicken out.


5 thoughts on “Wow…Sneaky Son of a Gun…

  1. It’s good that you came here and got it all out instead of drinking. I like to have a good pity party from time to time too. The urge to drink problems away seems to take a long time to go away. I’m encouraged when I read blogs of people with several years of sobriety, and they say it rarely happens any more. As long as we don’t drink, we will get there some day!

  2. I feel like sometimes I post WAY too much…but hey – if it keeps me away from the poison, it’s worth every word 🙂 I do love to read blogs of those with several years as well, and look forward to the day when it rarely happens! I keep meaning to get on the WFS website because there is always so much great information there as well!

  3. I spend a lot of time blogging/reading blogs too now. But I have a lot of down time at work, and it keeps me sober and moving forward 🙂 I probably post too much, but I’m good at slacking off and then finding myself back in the same hole. So I write for myself, and enjoy feedback if anyone has time to read my ramblings lol.

    • *I* definitely enjoy what you write Mary!!! I too have quite a bit of down time at work…of course it’s time I *should* be using to do more at work, but I’m in this new role that is less deadline driven and I’m finding it harder to focus. I do write for myself but like anyone else, it’s always a bonus when I find a like or a comment! 🙂

  4. She sounds utterly fascinating (if not completely horrid). Stay sober around her and I bet you will start to see some cracks in the facade. Hold your head high, what you are doing is unbelievably strong and amazing and admirable. Know that. Know that deep down inside yourself that in fighting this addiction you are rising up to be the best person you can be and no-one can touch that. xxxx

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