Follow Up from Last Night’s Post (May be TMI for Guys)

So…I was really having a hard time knowing that a 15 year old girl was possibly a stressor that would lead me to drink last night.  I mean – really?!?  Scary finances is a viable trigger.  Losing a job, family member, friend or animal would potentially drive someone to drink.  There are SO many things that I would consider “valid” but still would not want to act on the impulse.  Even meeting a celebrity as in Dag’s awesome post would be understandable, but still not excusable. 

This morning, as I contemplated over how ridiculous the whole thing was, I realized something.  I had started my period – only *13* days after my last one ended.  These freakin’ hormones are really about to do me in.  I had gotten used to the fact that my cycles were only about 21 – 23 days apart.  But 13?!?  What kind of ridiculous trick is the universe playing on me?  This time of the month has ALWAYS been an odd one – when I am feeling my worst, for whatever reason, it has also been known to make me want to increase my intake of that damn poison.  I did call the doctor and because I have only recently started to regulate my hormones, she told me to not worry, but if it happens again next cycle, to call back and we can go from there.  At least now I know that something was going on physically, and the mean girl was just a small part of my thought process.

On a totally separate note, I know I probably post too much – but this is my “safe place.”  Mrs. D made a great point – to not worry about whether or not I post and to spend more time in real life.  And though I LOVE that advice, right now, this is where I am very comfortable.  I don’t have a “real life sober network” yet.  I am skipping bunco in the neighborhood tonight because I know that the main goal of the dice game is not to win, but instead to drink a lot.  I am okay with situations where drinking is not the primary focus, but with only 12 ladies, it is hard to shed the “party girl” image so until I am more comfortable with myself, I know it’s better to bow out.

When I am here, I feel I can be completely honest and open and say what I need to say, good and bad.  The way I see it, it’s not like I’m given a “word count limit” – so no matter how much or how little I write, it’s okay.  Somehow when I put things into words, they always make much more sense.  Anytime I have had a “sensitive” topic to discuss with a loved one, I always start off with an email.  I can express myself so much better in the written word than by talking.  A conversation always follows, but by laying out my main points, it helps me with what I want to say.

Speaking of what I want to say, I don’t really know what the point of this post is.  Oh – I know.  Bottom line.  NO ONE and NOTHING has the power over me.  I have my own power and even when things get tough, I can get through it.  I have many tools to use and am thankful for them all, just as I am so thankful to SO many of you here in the “sobersphere” as Paul calls it…at least I am pretty sure that’s the right word!

Alrighty – that’s certainly enough for now.  I have plenty of work to do and I am in a very motivated mood after my coffee and my way too long post.

Later gators…

P.S.  Can you tell that I learned how to do links this morning?  🙂  There were a few more I was hoping to add and then all of a sudden my new little “toy” stopped working.  So maybe tomorrow!  🙂

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8 thoughts on “Follow Up from Last Night’s Post (May be TMI for Guys)

  1. Yikes, that is way too much period going on! I hope your dr can get your hormones leveled out! PMS is the hardest time for me to stay sober. So many emotions and mood swings! (not to mention pain)

    • At least I don’t think I’m TOTALLY crazy now, although it definitely does suck to have yet another time of the month! All I could think was HOW could that 15 year old girl piss me off that bad?!? And yes – she was a factor, but there was a lot more going on than just her 🙂 Happy Thursday!

  2. Oh no – sorry I didn’t mean it to be that I was telling you to spend more time in real life and not here .. only not to feel bad about not posting if you didn’t get to. Do whatever works for you absolutely. I posted every single day in the beginning and it was a huge huge support for me. And now, about 2 times a week and it still means so much. Online is my only support, I also don’t have a real life sober network, so I certainly understand. So sorry it sounded like I was inferring you shouldn’t seek the online support when you can. I love the tone in this post though and the realisation that you have all the power you need inside you. Love that grit! You’re doing great xxxx

    • I need to apologize to YOU Mrs. D!!! Reading what I wrote again, it didn’t come out exactly how I meant it to! I did feel like you completely understand the need to write, write, write here! And it helps to know that you did the same back in the early days. But it did very gently (in a what I actually needed kinda way) remind me that I do need to start to focus on real life. I can’t hide from the world forever and as much as I wish all of you awesome bloggers lived nearby, you don’t. For now, I’m okay with how things are, but eventually I need to share some things with people I trust and start to actually LIVE my life. I do feel more powerful today than yesterday, but I am starting to understand that this will always be somewhat of a struggle. So bottom line, I truly did mean my thanks sincerely!

  3. My comment is probably going to be TMI for the guys too. I’m another one who binges just before my period. I recognised that while I was still having regular periods, now that I’m menopausal (woot) and suffering from the crazy hormones I’m all over the place 🙂
    I think men go through their own cycles too. I know my teenage son has times of the month when he’s not very approachable and I bet if I tracked them on a calendar I’d see a period like pattern 🙂
    Keep well and I hope those hormones settle down soon.

    • Ooops! I just realised that I haven’t even said hello or introduced myself and I’ve just blathered on. I think I found you through Mrs D or Paul. I’m just starting out (again) trying to be sober. I’ve found all of the blogs and bloggers helpful and supportive and it’s helped me to write it out.
      Take care

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