So…I have given so many things so much thought and here is what I am thinking. I am definitely ready to have a heart to heart with the hubster – letting him know that it is worse than he thinks it is. I may start it out in an email – I know that sounds wierd – but anytime I have a delicate situation to discuss with anyone, it always helps me out to write it all out first and then open up the lines of conversation. I would much rather write than talk, though of course both are important…
So…here is my scathingly brilliant plan, part two. I’m going to tell him that first of all, I want him to hold me accountable. I truly believe that in a gentle, non-judgmental way he will help me to fight any cravings that I might have. Then, part three, if we are out in a social setting, I want to say that hubby and I decided to make a holiday pact to get in better shape for the spring/summer. That we are both working out more and eating healthier (true anyways) and that we made a deal that he would give up sweets and I would give up wine to help us shed even more pounds. I DON’T care if he eats sweets in the house – I could absolutely care less. But I think it’s a clever way to get past the initial “no thank you” at some social events that are coming up.
Is that stupid? I know it’s sad that we rationalize all this. Again, one of the things that stuck out most from the Jason Vale book is that alcohol seems to be the only drug that people question you if you aren’t partaking. I’m just not ready for full blown honesty. I hope that once I get more time under my belt, it’s easier. We have a PARTYING neighborhood. We are hosting brunch for 100 including kids (for my 7th year in a row). BUT…I know what my decisions need to be and I have learned the hard way (so many times) that it makes so much more sense to just cut it out than cut back.
We’ll make it a 30 day challenge for now. At that point, I’m sure I’ll be feeling a lot better and more confident (at least I hope so!) and maybe then it will get easier. I’m definitely thinking way more long term, but the forever word is too scary right now, even though I know that’s what it needs to be.
But I do need him to keep me accountable at home. That seems to be where I drink the most. Not sure if that’s common or not, but it’s true. Someone said something wise when I said something to the effect that it’s almost like my little secret. It’s like we’re a mom and a wife and a worker and everything else and it’s like it’s our one thing that is just ours. But of course there can and should be many more things that are just our own.
Anyways, Day Two was wonderful. Started off the day with some new vitamin powder – called “Greens” by “It Works”. I got sucked into a bunch of crap with them, but I will say that this stuff was awesome – full of vitamins. Putting 2 scoops in my diet cranberry juice (found some that is 5 calories per 8 ounces!) gave me a lot of energy throughout the day! And it actually tasted fine – no way could I put it in water because I can’t drink green liquids!
Did my 45 minutes on the treadmill watching my guilty pleasure Melrose Place on Netflx. Man is that show so cheesy and silly but I got to start from the very first episode and I’m in the late episodes of Season Two. I’ll be sad when I get to the end.
Made an uber healthy dinner – baked salmon, brown rice, green beans and ruby red grapefruit. With my club soda/diet cranberry in my special “non-alcoholic” wine glass. I have a heavy weight green wine glass that I received at some gift exchange that I have always told my husband that it’s my non-wine glass. I will NEVER cheat on that. I like the feel of a wine glass, but not my regular ones when I’m not drinking wine.
Anyways, too bad they can’t bottle the energy you have in these early days. It’s like I feel SO good. The last time I quit, I planned my last hurrah, and it was pretty non-eventful. Looking back to my last drunk Saturday night, it brings back a lot of pain. Feeling so lethargic and awful all day Sunday. Feeling anxious at around 5 PM – like I “needed” a drink. So tired and so disgusted with myself. Having to stay awake because my daughter was flying home and just feeling so blah.
So….just checking in, SO ready to hit the sack and looking forward to a great Tuesday. Happy day to all 🙂