Da’ Plan Da’ Plan (instead of Da’ Plane Da’ Plane)

So…I have given so many things so much thought and here is what I am thinking.  I am definitely ready to have a heart to heart with the hubster – letting him know that it is worse than he thinks it is.  I may start it out in an email – I know that sounds wierd – but anytime I have a delicate situation to discuss with anyone, it always helps me out to write it all out first and then open up the lines of conversation.  I would much rather write than talk, though of course both are important…

So…here is my scathingly brilliant plan, part two.  I’m going to tell him that first of all, I want him to hold me accountable.  I truly believe that in a gentle, non-judgmental way he will help me to fight any cravings that I might have.  Then, part three, if we are out in a social setting, I want to say that hubby and I decided to make a holiday pact to get in better shape for the spring/summer.  That we are both working out more and eating healthier (true anyways) and that we made a deal that he would give up sweets and I would give up wine to help us shed even more pounds.  I DON’T care if he eats sweets in the house – I could absolutely care less.  But I think it’s a clever way to get past the initial “no thank you” at some social events that are coming up.

Is that stupid?  I know it’s sad that we rationalize all this.  Again, one of the things that stuck out most from the Jason Vale book is that alcohol seems to be the only drug that people question you if you aren’t partaking.  I’m just not ready for full blown honesty.  I hope that once I get more time under my belt, it’s easier.  We have a PARTYING neighborhood.  We are hosting brunch for 100 including kids (for my 7th year in a row).  BUT…I know what my decisions need to be and I have learned the hard way (so many times) that it makes so much more sense to just cut it out than cut back.

We’ll make it a 30 day challenge for now.  At that point, I’m sure I’ll be feeling a lot better and more confident (at least I hope so!) and maybe then it will get easier.  I’m definitely thinking way more long term, but the forever word is too scary right now, even though I know that’s what it needs to be.

But I do need him to keep me accountable at home.  That seems to be where I drink the most.  Not sure if that’s common or not, but it’s true.  Someone said something wise when I said something to the effect that it’s almost like my little secret.  It’s like we’re a mom and a wife and a worker and everything else and it’s like it’s our one thing that is just ours.  But of course there can and should be many more things that are just our own.

Anyways, Day Two was wonderful.  Started off the day with some new vitamin powder – called “Greens” by “It Works”.  I got sucked into a bunch of crap with them, but I will say that this stuff was awesome – full of vitamins.  Putting 2 scoops in my diet cranberry juice (found some that is 5 calories per 8 ounces!) gave me a lot of energy throughout the day!  And it actually tasted fine – no way could I put it in water because I can’t drink green liquids!

Did my 45 minutes on the treadmill watching my guilty pleasure Melrose Place on Netflx.  Man is that show so cheesy and silly but I got to start from the very first episode and I’m in the late episodes of Season Two.  I’ll be sad when I get to the end.

Made an uber healthy dinner – baked salmon, brown rice, green beans and ruby red grapefruit.  With my club soda/diet cranberry in my special “non-alcoholic” wine glass.  I have a heavy weight green wine glass that I received at some gift exchange that I have always told my husband that it’s my non-wine glass.  I will NEVER cheat on that.  I like the feel of a wine glass, but not my regular ones when I’m not drinking wine.

Anyways, too bad they can’t bottle the energy you have in these early days.  It’s like I feel SO good.  The last time I quit, I planned my last hurrah, and it was pretty non-eventful.  Looking back to my last drunk Saturday night, it brings back a lot of pain.  Feeling so lethargic and awful all day Sunday.  Feeling anxious at around 5 PM – like I “needed” a drink.  So tired and so disgusted with myself.  Having to stay awake because my daughter was flying home and just feeling so blah.

So….just checking in, SO ready to hit the sack and looking forward to a great Tuesday.  Happy day to all 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Da’ Plan Da’ Plan (instead of Da’ Plane Da’ Plane)

  1. Hey Mystery:
    I like (of course!) the 30 day plan : ) I also had “the talk” with my finance – it was actually not planned, but stated out as a discussion about one of his close relatives drinking, and I shared my own hiding and lying events in an effort to keep drinking wine without limits….
    What ever we can do for today! Today is a no wine day for me!
    Have a great day!
    Kat

  2. Sounds like you have a good plan. I am 21 days sober today and I too am not ready to out myself just yet. I’m going with the healthy/clean living/weight loss goal through the holidays story too. I was just thinking how funny it is that we hide our heavy drinking and then we hide our non-drinking. : ) Oh well, whatever works. Good luck to you!!

    • I truly laughed out loud when I read what you said – how CRAZY is it that we hid our heavy drinking and now we’re trying to hide the fact that we don’t drink. I think it’s about perception – people are USED to seeing us drink and we are USED to being drinkers. We can’t just jump into a new skin overnight. With some time under our belts, I’m sure it will become second nature to say “no thanks, I’ll just have some club soda”.

  3. A few things stuck out when reading your post.
    As an alcoholic I would not and do not feel obliged to spill all. In a social situation
    I would say no thank you when offered a drink. No one cares if I have a drink as long as they do.
    My recovery is about me, no one else.

    To tell a lie (white ) lie regarding your lifestyle change would seem to be more work than its worth. To tell a lie to cover a lie and on and on…… As an alcoholic I have found that I am the only person held accountable for my actions. As well meaning as the people that care about me, nothing will hold me back or make me accountable if I want to go back out. and I don’t want to and thank God I don’t want to. All I can ask for is one day at a time. That has worked for me so far.

    My words are well meaning although they may sound terse. Sorry :). Keep it simple and be good to yourself. Women’s meetings work for me. They understand. Women who will love you until you can love yourself. I thought all that was bs and yes I was the most sceptical person. I am no longer a sceptic.

    One day at a time, that ‘s all we can ask for

    • Peggy, Thank you for taking the time to write such an honest and thoughtful response. I can tell from your words that you are pretty long time sober and I truly admire and congratulate you for that.

      I *get* what you say; however, I do think that each of our paths is different. I have a lot of really good friends whom I socialize with on a fairly regular basis. I know will love me whether I drink water, wine, or rat poison. My “challenge” is that they are USED to seeing me drink so it would be completely obvious if I declined a glass of wine. Right now, *I* am used to being a drinker, so I am re-training myself that I am not anymore. As ridiculous as it sounds, this early on, I feel that I need an excuse in a neighborhood social setting, so if that’s what it takes to have a booze-free night, that’s what it takes. And if it means backing out at the last minute because I don’t feel strong enough, then that’s what it takes.

      I truly believe (and you may be rolling your eyes here and that’s okay) that once I can get through the first 30 days, that I will be so much more confident in my own skin and love myself so much more that it will be easy to say that we had such a great December that we decided to keep it up during the new year. And eventually no one will bat an eye when I’m drinking whatever non-alcoholic beverages are on hand. My husband is a complete non-drinker, only because that’s what he has always chosen. When he first started coming to parties with me, it was so easy for him to ask for water and he got the obligatory “what, no beer?” and when he said “nah, just water”, it was fine. People have always been used to seeing him drink water so it was natural. That’s the difference…and like I said, I am in re-training mode.

      I realize I may lose some friends over this because they will miss their drinking buddy and that’s okay – that just means that they weren’t true friends anyways. It’s not that I’m opposed to going to a women’s meeting – but I feel like I have an all day women’s meeting right here – where I can spend time reading blogs, commenting, reading comments, and writing my own posts that are honest and convey my feelings – whether it’s the good, the bad or the ugly.

      I TOTALLY agree with one day at a time – and you’re so right – at this very moment I can honestly say that I will not drink tonight. It’s our weekly outing to trivia and though our regular waitress will ask if I want my chardonnay, I already have my plan in place – “nah – tonight I’m gonna stick with club soda and cranberry”. And that’s a good way for me to get used to the fact that I am a non-drinker. .

      If this doesn’t work, then I move forward to whatever the next step in my journey is. Maybe it will be a women’s meeting. I just truly feel in my heart that as long as I have admitted that I have a problem and I am ACTIVELY doing something about it, then I am doing the right thing. Again, though the words were tough to swallow at first, I know they were well meant and I am so glad your way worked for you. I’m confident that my way will work for me, and like I said, if it doesn’t, then it’s time to try something else. Have a great Tuesday!

  4. Good Morning. Yes, you right are are all on different paths. I have to say I was a bit nervous to read your response. I am sorry that you mentioned that words were tough to follow at first. I led out an audible gulp. Eeck.

    Admitting you have a problem and doing something about it is a great start! Yay you.
    And you are so right about re-training mode. It’s uncomfortable at times but that has allowed me to grow. It get better. Let’s all continue to do what works for us.

    I am 9 months sober yesterday. I still consider myself a newbie. I have so much to learn and look forward to the continued growth.

    I look forward to your blog and will continue as we share this journey of sobriety. Oh, and kick butt in trivia tonight :)…. Oops thats the totally competitive side of me. Lol.
    Happy Wednesday to you too!

    • I saw your new comment come through on my phone (man I love technology nowadays!) and just had to jump in to reply on my lunch break.

      First of all, I would have thought you were more like 9 years sober than 9 months – you just sound so confident and sure of yourself – and I say that in the BEST possible way! I think that hearing things that are tough is not necessarily a bad thing – as a matter of fact – I can use it as motivation for myself. Not everything is sunshine and roses…we need to listen to all points of view and though we might not always have the same ideas, we can always take something from it and leave the rest – see – I do know a little bit about AA 🙂 I do have the “Big Book” and check it out from time to time. I also have a lot of literature from Women for Sobriety. I’ll take all the tools I can get.

      We are VERY competitive in trivia. My friends won’t even go with me because I am shushing them when the question is being read and I do NOT allow cheating! My husband, daughter and I actually fare pretty well from week to week – in the last four weeks, we have placed first once, second twice and third three times. That is an extra $70 towards our bills there and also bragging rights. It amazes me the amount of useless information my husband has in his brain – I think it’s adorable. He is the star of our team, though sometimes I amaze myself and have huge contributions. We have been playing now every Wednesday at the same place for about two and a half years and have probably only missed it 8-10 times. It is our weekly commitment as a family, and often my daughter brings some of her friends which I think is pretty cool that a 16 year old actually wants to hang with the parentals!

      Anyways, it looks like you don’t have a blog (when I click on your name it doesn’t take me anywhere) but I am very happy to have you as a companion and a cheerleader on this journey. Thank you again for honest and meaningful feedback and also for your follow up response. Darn…back to the grindstone.

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