Raw Shit…Dealing with it without Drinking

I can’t thank Mrs. D enough for her recent post.  It started out as a celebration that some of the lurkers were sharing their stories, perhaps beginning to immerse themselves in the safe learning sober community that we have here in cyberworld, or at least to recognize its power and helpfulness.  Up to this point, my biggest concern has been how I would get by in social situations without feeling like I was an alien – being (or at least feeling like) I’m the only one not drinking in a sea of drinkers.  But last night, I learned what it’s like to encounter, as she calls it, RAW SHIT. 

I got the phone call from my 16 year old daughter that all parents dread at about 7 PM last night – “Mom, I’ve been in an accident.”  Of course my first questions – are you okay?  Where are you?  What happened?  Which I retracted the last question and said just stay put – we’ll be right there and can find out what happened.

The site of the accident was about 4 miles away – at a busy intersection known for a bit of a blind spot and one where I have passed many accidents before.  Long story short – three cars were involved.  From what I understand, my daughter had a yellow light but had already established herself in the intersection so much that she had to make the left hand turn she was committed to.  There was a car coming straight, and his light must have been yellow – though the driver told the police it was green.  The only truth I can see in that is if the light did turn red as my daughter was making the turn she had to make, but I know absolutely 100% sure that my daughter did not INTENTIONALLY run a red light. 

She also told me she thought the car coming straight was turning right – and they have a yield sign there so she thought she had the right of way.  So…the white car coming straight basically T-boned my daughter in her jeep (I think he was picking up speed to run the yellow light because the damage he did to the front end of his car could have only been done at a high speed), which then caused her jeep to travel somewhat against her will and hit another car head on who was in the left hand turn lane ready to turn left when their light turned onto the road that the guy was going straight on.  My daughter must have been majorly in tune with what was going on and truly focused on braking to avoid further damage as she barely tapped the other car that she hit head on, and they were able to leave the accident unhurt and with no damage to their car.

We got there and all parties involved were waiting separately for the police.  There was the guy and his son who were in the white car who t-boned her.  He appeared okay until his BITCH of a wife (or whatever she was) got there.  She proceeded to loudly yell at him that this is why she didn’t let her kids drive until they were 18.  Something about these teenagers driving recklessly – which was far from the truth.  We had to move away from her before I said something I might regret.  Then, all of a sudden as she spoke to him (brainwashed him?) , the guy had a hurt arm and a headache – neither which were present until she showed up.  And after it was all said and done, they called an ambulance for him – which okay – I get it as a precautionary measure, but the fact that it took him a half hour to decide that he was hurt just rubbed me the wrong way. 

The van that my daughter’s car hit head on had not a scratch and the woman was fine, so she was able to leave. There were two guys who stayed behind as witnesses (glad people take their duties as a citizen seriously) but I have no idea what their account was.

Bottom line – my daughter got the ticket as “failure to yield” – which I get.  But from what I am hearing about what happened, though I agree it was her fault, I think that the white car must not have been paying any attention if he plowed through the intersection and was the one to hit my daughter.  She will have a court date (with a fine) and I don’t even want to know what will happen to our insurance rates.  The white car that hit her was definitely totalled.  Hers has minimal damage that will need fixing.  The part that scares me the most is the crazy lady who showed up – she seems like the type to possible sue and/or just make this bad situation even worse.

Takeaways from this Scary, Scary Night:

1.  It was about 7 PM when I got the call.  In my “past” life, I would have been on at least my 2nd glass of wine by then.  Granted, hubby was home and he drove us to the scene, but an even worse case scenario would have been me having drank wine and then having to drive to the scene b/c he wasn’t home.  Thankful for a clear head that could function 100% and remember every last detail.

2.  Hell – I’m not gonna lie.  When we got back home, mellowing out with a glass or two of wine was first and foremost in my mind.  I truly didn’t want more than that (though my mind may have changed if I had had that first glass), but I knew it wouldn’t help ANYTHING.  It would also mess with my sleep and I was going to have to wake up a little earlier and drive her to school.

3.  I can honestly say that I very rarely drove drunk (not that it’s ever okay) – I somehow finagled a ride or if I had my car and didn’t feel I was okay to drive, I had my husband pick me up from time to time.  But what if that had been me with a few glasses of wine in me, putting me over the legal limit?  Imagining all the terrible, horrible consequences of that had me shaking in my boots.

4.  When we got home, we showered my daughter with love and compassion and understanding.  Watching her beat herself up SO MUCH over something that truly was an accident (isn’t that why we call them that?) reminded me of my beating myself up from past times of drinking too much.  The difference – mine was always a conscious decision, and hers was 100% accidental.

We are all shaken up and my daughter has a sore back and neck (to be expected from an accident) and if that doesn’t get better in the next day or two, we will definitely have it checked into.  I asked her last night if she wanted to go to the hospital or urgent care, but she said it was minor and she would be okay.  More importantly than anything, my daughter is OKAY!  The other people involved in the accident are OKAY.  Her jeep is OKAY.  The white car is NOT okay but we will handle that.

I went to an online WFS chat meeting this morning – I made slight mention of the accident (it made sense in the conversation) and wouldn’t you know it – one of the women on there (who is 15 years sober to boot!) is an insurance adjustor!  She actually gave me her phone number and I was able to call her after the chat and get some very sound advice on how to handle things.  I keep seeing this as a huge mountain I have to climb – and I know I need to break it down into small hikes.

So I called my insurance agent who will be calling me back.  Learning how high our liabilities are made me feel WAY better – but it is a given that our insurance rates will go up.  I told my daughter when she first got her car – I will pay the insurance, but if it goes up because of a ticket or an accident that you are responsible for, you will need to pay the difference.  I know I have to follow through on it, but right now she is so fragile, that I can’t even bear to discuss it.  We will get to that discussion eventually, but right now, I just want to love on her as much as I possibly can and keep reiterating that *accidents happen*. 

Well, onwards to work and I also know for a fact that I need to treat myself with tender loving care today.  I am very fragile as well.  You can’t help but imagine the worst and be so incredibly grateful that though it is bad, it could be so much worse.  I can 1 million percent promise that I won’t drink today.  I’m sad and hurting and protective of my daughter, so all of my energy needs to go into taking care of those things.  Please think about us today and say a short prayer or if you do not believe in a higher power, then just wish us good thoughts.  It will be okay…but I believe in the power of prayer/good thoughts so they could be used today.

Thanks all for listening…oh…and P.S.  Thank GOD for draft mode on here!  Somehow I lost this window and lost the whole post (minus the few paragraphs I added at the end) but when I came back, it was in draft mode and only needed editing.  Whew!


5 thoughts on “Raw Shit…Dealing with it without Drinking

  1. The main point is that accidents happen, you can’t plan them and the best outcome is that everyone is mostly okay. Money, insurance etc… Pales into insignificance. Maybe the other woman was shook up by the accident also, people can act weird at times like this.

    It could be great learning opportunity for your young daughter to **really** look out for drivers who are not paying attention, a potentially life saving skill. I had an accident when I was 18 and smashed into a guy who didn’t stop at a T-intersection. I walked away but have been wary of intersections ever since. Road rules and being right don’t make you bullet proof!

    This is close to home, thinking of you and take care, Paul.

  2. Hi Mystery:
    Serious stuff, I’m glad that things are”OK”, young adults and driving is soooo scary especially when they are your own babies. My son totaled 2 cars in 10 months – thankfully no one was hurt in either situation-but the heart stopping panic of it all….argh.
    Here is to the calm end of our weekend.

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