A few brief moments to say hi to my wonderful friends!!

Between some recent 12 to 14 hour workdays, the holiday season, a setback here and there (yep I suck) although almost three weeks of not drinking minus a few days) is far better than drinking for three weeks straight. I learned the power of the aftermath the day after the accident. Knowing we we were all home safe and sound the night after, I guess I felt a need to zone out. I had stayed so strong the night before and then I proceeded with a pity party for myself.

Then, it did not help that I literally got cornered at a cookie swap and miss hostess with the mostest did not seem to realize that no should be a valid option and is a complete sentence. My plan armed with coconut water lasted about two hours and I finally felt like I was becoming more and more fragile and gave into peer pressure. Tragically sad for a 44 year old successful and bright educated smart woman. I had to finally accept that I’m just not ready for social events where drinking is the primary reason for the get together and have wisely turned down two events (on same night) because I still need to work on me and shedding the party girl image.

In addition to disappointing myself I know I owe you all an apology. I miss you all so much. But these brutal work days coupled with decreased confidence have lowered my defenses and I even have pangs of defensiveness and self sabotage. I know it sucks to read about someone who just can’t seem to get their shit together. I’m doing WFS meetings each morning but I don’t contribute as much because I feel like a hypocrite. I very actively listen and take notes and continue to make my daily plans.  And of course I would NEVER drink before a meeting, especially since they are at 9 AM!  It’s a great way to start the day and I hope to start interacting more.

I guess my point in a long drawn out way is that I still have faith in myself and hope y’all don’t lose faith in me as long as I continue to learn and grow. Special thanks to mrs d, Kat, Lilly, Paul, belle, peggy and many others. Typing this on my phone as daughter is in dentist appt. my only free time today. Love you guys!!! Keep up your great progress And hope to report my own soon. Lots of gentle love and self care and analysis of the whys for myself.

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11 thoughts on “A few brief moments to say hi to my wonderful friends!!

  1. Oh honey pie. You don’t owe us an apology. We totally get it. That’s why we’re all here. I especially get it as I’m in exactly the same place, having had an unexpected slip on December 9th (no other drinks this month though despite huge trigger/temptation situations), which I posted about. I found myself wondering if everyone would just stop reading my blog at all and commenting because I fear it just is starting to read like ‘I hate drinking’ ‘I drank’ ‘I hate myself’ ‘I want a drink’ ‘I drank’ ‘I hate drinking’. Rinse. Repeat. Let’s see if we can cheer each other on instead, ok? This cycle is soooo common from all I’ve read.

    Because of that, as you say, decreased self confidence that comes from having slipped, I again am really shaky and undecided/unsure about staying AF over the holidays even though a big part of me does NOT want to drink. But I know that if there is even that doubt that I will and then I will justify that I may as well keep going through Jan. Thing is, there’s always more reasons to keep going and I know the consequences of drinking will always ultimately be bad. Do you feel the same?

    I wonder if we can work out a new strategy and way of deciding we are NOT going to spend the holiday season soused?

    Whatever happens, I am here for you and cheering you on. You CAN do this!

    Lilly x

    p.s. Work is utterly crazy here too but I still need to try and join you on those WFS meetings at some stage!

  2. Oh bugger. I just worked out using the TimeZone converter that your 9am meeting is at 1am in the morning my time, so that isn’t likely to be much help. If I’m ever up late angsting though I’ll keep it in mind!

  3. What Lilly said! No apologies necessary. Keep on keeping on. Sounds like you are going great and one day you will get to that point where you make that final decision… don’t stress it, you’re heading in the right direction. Hey – what’s that crazy thing happening on your blog with the moving dots..? Are my eyes going crazy or is it some fancy feature? Anyhoo…. sending love and support. Do more reading! Seems like Jason Vale would help you with that whole party thing….. xxxxxx

  4. Mystery! Glad to”see” you! What those wonderful women said up there! Keep on working it! I looked at my days AF during the past few weeks, and despite my deal breaking winger after Thanksgiving, I have so many more AF days than not!!! and that is a great thing, and you have this as well!
    Big Hugs Buddy!
    -Kat

  5. You’re finding your way and you’re being honest about it. That’s great. Each stumble is a learning opportunity, I had lots of those, haha. Don’t quit on yourself and never apologize for being honest. 🙂

  6. Hi. I love your brutal honesty. I feel the same stuggles and get super stressed during social events. I’ve been avoiding them but I cant forever. Like Mrs. D says, you just gotta say ‘no thanks. i’ll just stick with this juice’. It’s easier said than done. I’m going to a ski trip in a few days and there’s gonna be a lot of people drinking. Ugh!

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