Chicken…Bawk Bawk

Why can I completely bare my soul here, yet I have the perfect opportunity to connect with someone that I KNOW who has spent over a year poison free and is completely willing and ready to talk with me – but I chickened out in calling her today. I’m just not a good phone person – sometimes I even avoid friends’ calls because I’m just not in the mood to talk. Part has to do with being on conference calls most of the day for work – but – WHY am I so scared of talking to this gal who obviously has gotten her shit together…

PN – if you started reading the blogs I sent you and if you have stumbled across mine, hopefully this will give you some kind of explanation. I know I need to reach out to you in some way, shape or form – even if it’s in an email. Maybe if you are still going to meetings I can go to one with you. But the one-on-one conversation has me completely wigged…just not sure of what I even want to say!

Will continue to work up the courage to contact her, but I know she is going to a concert tonight, so don’t want to ruin any plans πŸ™‚ Well – it’s treadmill time, so I will contemplate the meaning of life while I sweat my brains out. Looks like a Melrose Place kind of day today – yesterday was Monday night’s episode of The Biggest Loser – love doing the 75 minutes and being so motivated by the show!


7 thoughts on “Chicken…Bawk Bawk

  1. Don’t beat yourself up on this. I still have a hard time on the phone sometimes, even with those I am very comfortable with. I think it’s just an echo from our isolating past behaviours. The phone was the last thing I would pick up, especially when I didn’t recognize the number. I went through the same thing when I first started my path in recovery. I was asked to phone other men in the fellowship and it was hard. I had the same fear – what would I say? The thing is that the guy on the other side either is feeling the same way, or (and most likely) he would understand and lead the way. That is how I talk to new guys when they call me out of the blue – I ask them simple questions about themselves, and get the to talk about what is on their mind. Nothing mind blowing, but just one alcoholic caring and talking to another. That’s all we do here. We’re not calling to impress or to chat mindlessly. Just saying “hey – just called because I wanted to say hi and to see how you were” is enough. As alcoholics, we *get* it. But it is just a matter of doing it…push past that fear. Doing things outside our comfort zones helps us grow. At least that has been my own experience.

    Have fun on the treadmill (can’t say I have ever said, or typed, that before)


    • Wow Paul. Spot on in regards to my feelings. Thank you SO much not just for reading my rants but for *understanding* my feelings. Just curious. You sound like you are pretty seasoned. About how long sober? If I had to guess I’d say decades because you sound so confident. It doesn’t really matter…just curious. Thanks again for your feedback!!!

  2. Maybe…just maybe…someone could be a guinea pig for me? Uber quick phone conversation just to warm me up? If you would be up for this email me and I will send you my number. I know. This is ridiculous. But I do not want fear to cripple me do much easier to deal with the unknown. Love you all! B

  3. Don’t push yourself on this – I am sure that she understands your hesitation. But she’ll be there when you’re ready. And I’d LOVE to be your guinea pig phone call, but I am in Poland. If you’d like to talk anyway – distance and time differences be damned – then I’m totally your girl πŸ˜‰

  4. I call it the 50lb phone! Lol! It’s so hard to pick up! Yes it is.. I still have a hard time with the phone. I don’t really know why, its just a phone, or is it the person on the other end that I am in fear of, Hmmmm. My first sponsor asked me to call her every day. That was tough. But I realized that when I did call I always felt better afterwards. hang in. It will get easier πŸ™‚

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