So…when we last left our “she-ra”, she was awake at 4:30 AM, on the treadmill by 7:30 AM and to the track meet by 10 AM with an unusually clear head. Let me just say that there is NO way I could have survived today with anything other than a clear head. My daughter’s event was supposed to start at 10 AM. The temperature was 34 degrees – less than freezing with the wind chill. They FINALLY started to throw the discus at 3:30 PM. Yep – that was 5 and a half hours of being cold and miserable with snow flurries for added effect.
Plus side – I got to hang out with my daughter, her friends and her friends’ moms who were all very sweet. Minus side – other than being cold, none, with the exception of frustration. Good news – my daughter placed second in her heat with a 68 foot throw. Bad news – in the second heat, one of the girls had a throw of 121 feet – holy smackeroos! But my teeny tiny daughter totally held her own against the girls who obviously had more power. But disc is more about form than strength, so go little “she-ra!!!”
Fast forward to the evening. Our heat is out downstairs, not to mention there was no time to ever get to the grocery store considering we got home at 5:30 PM. So we planned on a family dinner, at one of our “stand-bys” where the food is good (but inexpensive). I did have 2 glasses of wine with my bowl of soup, but when I got home, I did not have that “I’m dying to escape the world and beyond” kind of feeling.
Mrs. D – I think that slight conversation from last night trickled into tonight. I know that this is not groundbreaking news, but it is a start. Like you said, that voice seems to start to be more active and I will continue to listen to it full force. I am in no means “cured” or “normal” – but to not have that “I wanna drink until I pass out feeling” was amazing. It truly was not there tonight in any way, shape or form. Anyone reading this who is a “normal” drinker won’t get it. They have the red light that stops the major overconsumption. It has just been a huge development to be where I am tonight and was last night.
I did figure out a “bone of contention” tonight (for lack of a better word). My husband works the VERY early shift, so he rarely makes it through a movie with us. Tonight, we wanted to watch a movie as a family. Honestly, I didn’t think my daughter or I would make it after our freezing cold day, so I suggested that we watch something that we had both watched, but not my husband, so that if he DID make it through, we wouldn’t be missing anything. And deep down inside, I figured he wouldn’t make it either. Ironically, he did not like that idea, and seldom do we disagree.
But he had his own movie on his mind (actually one that I was interested in as well), and we decided to go with that one. It is now 10:30 PM and I am the only one awake. I’m not “mad”, but I’m starting to make sense of my escapism once he goes to sleep as I feel alone at this time. But…instead of numbing myself with additional glasses of wine, I am looking forward to remembering all details of the movie, and he can just watch it another time on his own.
So – tomorrow will be another cold day outside. It is my team’s tennis match, so I will probably be at the courts for 5+ hours, again in temps below freezing when you factor in the wind chill factor. I will continue self care of myself. Today I had all my water, exercise, vitamins, etc. I read a chapter in my book. I felt *almost* stylish in my ensemble for the track meet because I knew I would be meeting other moms. I am really and truly trying to find the best “me” I can find. Oh – and I have realized that I am also a quotations and asterisks addicts – oops!
Much love to all and looking forward to reading through blogs in the morning and commenting. Just wanted to put this out here in cyberspace, so here I am 🙂 Thanks you all SO MUCH for the continued support. I am *not* there – but I *will* get there. Ha ha – more asterisks 🙂
P.S. I am NOT condoning that having a few glasses of wine is okay. I am only proud of my steps that instead of a few bottles it is a few glasses, and will continue to work towards where I want to be. Hope this makes sense…Again – we each have our own journey and all I have is my own – not yours and not anyone else’s. I’m all I’ve got – along with all of you of course (whew!)