I am learning that there is a huge difference between being “tired” tired and being “hungover” tired. The first may happen because of a variety of things – perhaps you fall asleep later than you planned on (guilty). Maybe you spent a lot of time over the weekend in the freezing cold outside because of sporting events for your kids (guilty) and/or sporting events for yourself (guilty). Part may be a general lack of sleep for the past few days because of so many things going on (guilty).
What is the difference? If I can recognize that I am simply tired, I can take steps to fix it. I was able to go back to sleep for an extra hour and a half after my daughter left to go to school. I did not feel guilty because I knew it was the self-care that I needed. I still had grand plans for the day and was highly motivated, but knew I needed a little extra oomph in order to carry them out.
A hangover-induced sleeping-in results in a lot of self-loathing and disgust. Wondering if you will spend more than half your life in bed because you cannot control how much you drink. Knowing all the things you *should* do, but even after several naps, not accomplishing any of them. More guilt and self-hate throughout the day. Deciding whether you should just say “screw it” and drink again that night or perhaps try to get a TRUE good night’s sleep.
I am happy to say that this morning, I was simply “tired.” I am still working on complete abstinence; however, the fact that I have cut quantities in over half is making me very happy and motivating me to keep on keeping on. I repeat – I do not think I can ever be a “moderate” drinker; however, I am continuing to take the steps that work for me. Constant self-improvement is helping me with my confidence and also making me understand cause/effect as well as identifying triggers. My mind is really focusing on all of this, and I am approaching it with a much clearer head than usual.
This post probably sounded like a bunch of gobbledy-gook – but it makes sense to me, and that is what counts. As always, grateful for the support and comradarie here. Have a great week!