Setting a Bedtime

In my ongoing quest to identify triggers and figure out the whys, yesterday afternoon, I had a huge revelation. A large part of my drinking was happening AFTER my hubby and daughter went to bed. It’s almost like it was “my” time, “my” secret – no one could see the sneaking and the trips downstairs. It was about that time (10 or 11 PM) that I would open that second bottle and watch mindless TV – and of course sometimes not remember who it was who got kicked off of a reality show the night before.

With that in mind, last night, I set some new boundaries for myself. I did have a few glasses of wine before that “witching hour”, but I set 10:30 PM as my BEDTIME. I even created some rituals – last sip by 10 PM. Wash face and brush teeth. Make list of things to do today.

What a wonderful feeling to wake up at 7 AM refreshed and ready to tackle the day. I’m on my first cup of coffee, and am sipping on my vitamin greens in diet cranberry juice. I’m about to finish up a project that we’ll be discussing on a call in a few hours. The bed is made, my face is washed and my teeth are brushed. These seem like little things, but they are things that weren’t happening until 11 AM or so. I am gaining 4 productive hours instead of losing 4 hours to TV, sometimes forgotten TV.

Don’t worry – I am still working towards complete freedom from the poison. But it’s important to me to continue to embrace the small successes. My mind is literally like a hampster wheel lately, thinking everything through and figuring out what I need to do in this ongoing quest. It has been an actual relief to see my perfectionism slip to the wayside. Instead of punishing myself in the past when I screwed up on NOT drinking, I am rewarding myself for REDUCING it and figuring out ways to ELIMINATE it. This is truly good stuff. I am in awe of the journeys I read where you folks just said one day “I’M DONE” and that was really it. These are truly amazing stories and it helps me.

Onwards to a great day. Gonna take a few minutes to read blogs and comment, then plan the rest of my day work-wise. Oh – and thanks to everyone out here who is by my side!!!

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6 thoughts on “Setting a Bedtime

  1. Bravo! Good for you for figuring out when the “witching hour” was occuring. And the perfectionism…I can soooo relate. We need to be kind to ourselves. We wouldn’t expect perfect in anyone else, so why do we expect it in ourselves?

  2. I had a lot of that “my time” – where it was no one but me and the bottle(s). Funny thing is that I started to create more and more me time by blowing things off, cancelling stuff, etc. so that I could snuggle with my booze πŸ™‚ Glad you’re feeling better these days, and yes, watch for that perfectionism…that is a killer for us. We get to a point where if we can’t do something perfectly, we just don’t bother. So we have the mindset of being number one and we don’t even bother finishing the race because we *weren’t* number one, even before the race starts. It’s a torturous thing, perfectionism, and it sits primarily on the shoulders of fear and pride. What do others think of us? Why am I afraid to make mistakes? Who am I trying to impress? So many questions that dig at us when we slap the perfectionist label on ourselves…and do ourselves a disservice at the same time.

    Your journey…I am glad to see you journaling this and letting us share in it.

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • The support I receive here truly amazes me. I will definitely be re-reading this from time to time as it very much touches on so many things that are surfacing right now. Thank you for stopping by. It means more than you will ever know.

  3. Loving your thought processes here.. great insights, good on you! Oh how I love waking up in the morning not regretting the night before!!! Yes!!! For me the great revelation in getting sober was that I discovered I found it very hard in the silence of my own head, and I had to learn to just be with my thoughts and be comfortable, even if they were sometimes sad or angry or lonely or whatever. Great stuff, I’m rooting for you from afar!! xx

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