It’s funny how this morning after my 5:30 AM workout, as I was getting ready for my 8 AM meeting, it literally felt like such a normal routine. I was actually excited to go see these people – something I would have never expected in a MILLION years.
I absolutely loved the format of today’s meeting. First of all, the leader actually asked me to read The Promises, part of the opening of every meeting. I confided in her my hesitation with the “a” word – and she was totally cool and seemed to understand where I was coming from. So when I introduced myself, I said “Hi, my name is XXX. Today is only my 3rd meeting – I do have a strong desire to stop drinking, but I still can’t quite say the other word yet, but I’m working on it”. And there were giggles and I felt a tremendous acceptance from everyone.
Today there was an inspirational book – not sure of the name of it, but there was a quote for each day of the year. As we passed it around, we were each asked to find our sobriety anniversary date and read the passage for that date, then speak to it from our experience. My date is March 10th – I can’t remember the words in what I read, but I distinctly remember the title – “Today is My Choice” and that is what I spoke to.
I made mention that a lot of people might be court ordered or dragged into the meetings, and how lucky I was to have reached out to someone who recommended (NOT MANDATED) the meetings. And how I came to find that one of my friends was already there which made it even more coincidental. And just how lucky I am to start my day with people who are “like me” – people with so much depth and experience – folks who can TOTALLY make me laugh (honestly, it can be like comedy hour for free!) with some tears in the mix. And the reaction I got to what I said was just overwhelming. I really felt accepted and loved and admired and respected.
Never in my life did I think I would be doing this. I feel like I am SO lucky with finding what I honestly feel is the RIGHT group for me. It is so close in vicinity to my house. These are not homeless, toothless old people – a lot of them are my age and I just look at them thinking – man – I would totally hang out with them.
Nothing is ever easy of course. But I did go through my first test last night. Without going into too much detail, one of my family members had a LOT of drama going on in their life. And they had me very worried about their personal well being. I spent a lot of time on the phone with them and felt like I was doing the right thing. I won’t say it NEVER crossed my mind to drink – but the second that I did, my immediate mindset was how much WORSE the situation would be if I did. I did not think about how I would disappoint myself; I did not think about how I would disappoint my group – I sincerely only thought about how there was nothing about drinking that would make things better. I have both of my friends’ numbers on hand, and if I had thought there was a chance of a slip, I truly would have reached out. But the thought was so fleeting, and I felt like my mindset was so rational, that it was an amazing (though scary) experience.
Even better news – one of the gals I have mentioned above will be joining me from time to time at the gym at 5:30 AM. I figure what the hell – may as well mix everything up and start a new way of life! It’s also easy to explain why I am not drinking when I am getting up at 5 to work out at 5:30 AM. I know I’m not far into this new routine, but so far, so good, and that is all I need to focus on right now. I hope everyone is having a FABULOUS day!!!