20 Days of Freedom…Living My New and Happy Life

In my daily check in with Belle today, I realized that I have been UBER busy in a GOOD way…but I have not been posting much on my blog and I miss sharing with my friends. So, hopefully, this is not a “cop-out”, but I have done some copy/pasting of what I have sent to Belle to catch folks up on my goings on the past few days 😉 It’s probably a bit of a boring re-cap of my week, but in my new life, boring is actually GOOD.

Friday, March 29th:

I am in shock that I am at the 20 day mark…I have done a bit of neglecting my blog, but honestly, for the most part, I have just been busy actually living my life. My mornings start with 5 AM wake up; I get to the gym for a 5:30 class. I’m home by 6:45 AM and I have 30 minutes to read – some motivational stuff, some spiritual, some AA, etc. Wake my daughter up and get her out the door by 7:45 AM and then get to my meeting by 8 AM. Home by 9:15 AM and a full workday until 5 PM or 6 PM, with a few breaks for household chores such as cleaning up the kitchen, doing laundry, etc.

Then most nights, preparing dinner for the family – though sometimes we grab a bite to eat out. Of course Wednesday nights are our trivia night, and on occasion, we have things going on like track meets for my daughter, etc. Then it’s in the bed by 10 PM with some reading of whatever book I’m reading, and then asleep by 11 PM.

I spoke about this today in our meeting – how it feels good to have a full life instead of completely isolating when I have tried to quit drinking. I have been lucky to not have any uber stressful social situations to deal with as of yet. I have skipped two of them because I knew 100% that I was not in a position to be at a party that REVOLVED around drinking. I can handle times when drinking is involved, but not when it is the primary focus. I have bowed out of a few “let’s go grab a drink” offers from close friends…and know that in time there are some whom I will need to confide in.

Now that I have written so much, I think I’m going to pull from this to at least post SOMETHING to my blog! I don’t want people to think I am not thinking about them and/or that I am back in the world of drinking. So…about to copy/paste, and again, thanks for EVERYTHING!!!

Thursday, March 28th:

Finally able to pop in for a quick check in. Not much to report – today’s meeting focused on the 12 steps and I once again spoke up about how much of a problem I have with the word “powerless”. The one solid advice I was given was to not confuse it with the word “helpless”. So that is a start. I also ordered two books that are from a female perspective about the 12 steps off of Amazon – one is the actual book, and one is a workbook.

I get it – AA has worked for millions of people. But if the overall principles of it are not completely jiving with me, I’m the type to explore other options. The fact that these still use the original language of the 12 steps, but, relate it all more to women excites me. To me, AA originally started as more of a “gentleman’s club”. I know it has come a LONG way and includes, in fact, embraces women – but some of the old fashioned language is just a turn off. So again, I will exert my POWER into gathering all of the possible tools I may need to continue on this journey.

I am a bit sad about Easter Sunday. My husband is working (he RARELY has to work a Sunday). I have to drive my daughter two and a half hours to meet up with her dad and her grandma and then turn around and drive back so she can spend time with them for the spring break week. I will use the week to my full advantage, but I miss the big family gatherings we always used to have for Easter. Sounds like our small family will be meeting up for breakfast at 9:30 AM or so – my husband, daughter, brother and my mother-in-law. But that’s it. I am already thinking of some pampering incentives for myself after the drive!

Alrighty – gotta run. Ciao for now 🙂

Wednesday, March 27th:

Whew. Made it through a TOUGH night last night. Was confronted by my teenage daughter (because I forgot to do something for her) about how “self-absorbed” I have been lately. And she is/was right, but I NEEDED to be that way. It did open up for a “teaching moment” and we talked about serious things, but of course, she doesn’t fully “get it”. It doesn’t help that her dad (my first ex husband) is/was an alcoholic. Three DUIs later and with physical effects that prevent him from even having a job, he is still a struggling alcoholic.

Anyways, I did reach out to some of the gals from my meeting and was able to talk to someone who “gets me” and had a good long cry and slept like a baby. Today is a new day and I am grateful for so many things, including you 🙂

Tuesday, March 26th

Date night was spectacular! The restaurant wasn’t fancy, but was the type to associate with fine wines and of course I had some momentary pangs and cravings. I had decided in advance that I would ask if they had Pelligrino – not that I even particularly love it – but because they usually pour it into a wine glass and it is chilled and refreshing. Well yes they did – and they brought a HUGE bottle – that I finished on my own – and I was so happy when we got the bill that it was only $5!!! That would have been a minimum price per glass of wine and multiply that by 2 or 3 or 6 and you have another entree or two worth of price.

Anyways, it was lovely to go to the place where our first date was and we had wonderful non-stop conversation. On our first date, he brought me a movie he knew I loved and didn’t own, and darned if he didn’t bring me the new movie Les Miserables on our date last night because he knows I’ve been dying to see it. I had gotten him a heartfelt card and it was just a nice time with the two of us…

So I guess this really is Day 17. Time flies when you’re having fun! UBER work to do, more interference involving my brother and his psycho ex (don’t worry – I am NOT allowing myself to become entrenched in it) and have to mosey out in this freezing cold to watch my daughter at her track meet.

Happy dance!!! 🙂

Monday, March 25th

Can it really be Day 16 (overall) for me?!? WOW. Even amidst the sprinkling rain (NOT refreshing because it was really cold to boot), we did get our tennis matches in.

We had a great meeting today that touched on the word “alcoholic” – one I have REALLY struggled with, probably because the only alcoholic I really knew was my father, and he was a violent, mean DRUNK alcoholic. Now that I have met all of these amazing, intelligent SOBER alcoholics, after hearing some of their stories, I was actually able to share my name and that indeed, I am an alcoholic. That doesn’t make me a bad person, or someone who should feel bad. It simply identifies me as someone who doesn’t seem to have an “off” switch – someone who can’t “control” my drinking. It was the first time I was able to use the “a” word, and being in the company of the the wonderful people in the room, it felt liberating.

Date night with my hubby tonight – 3rd anniversary of our first date. I will celebrate the special occasion with a Pelligrino – because I deserve it 🙂

Well, work beckons, so gotta run. I’m sure you are having an amazing day!!!

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3 thoughts on “20 Days of Freedom…Living My New and Happy Life

  1. Wonderful stuff 🙂

    It sounds like you’re really engaged in life and that’s ok if you’re not blogging as much – you’re present in your family’s life and your own, plus meetings, etc. How fantastic is that?? I like how you’re approaching the steps and AA in general – open-minded and willing. I can’t tell you how important those things are. I have a men’s guide to the 12 steps and they were a great addition to the big book. I assume you are getting the women’s version. While an alcoholic is an alcoholic, etc. there are some things that resonate more with women as other resonate more with men. In the men’s book, it really talks about opening up – we men are most closed off, emotionally, and so it really speaks to us about what it is truly like to be a man in the steps – being honest, open, willing, etc.

    you have a lot going on, but it’s manageable and you are doing a great job of it. Keep it up – and post when you can. We all have lives…we aren’t tied to the computer. Live life – sober and happy! It’s the best feeling.

    Love and Light,
    Paul

  2. congratulations on 20 days! it sounds like they have been really wonderful. even though you have been so busy, it is great to hear from you, and that you are doing so well! good for you for skipping the boozy parties, i am sure that wasn’t easy (or maybe it was and i am just assuming that everyone else is like me and has major FOMO – fear of missing out). happy anniversary and happy easter too! even though it sounds like it will be a little crazy busy with the driving around and whatnot i do hope you are able to treat yourself at the end of it all.

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