A New Kind of Easter Sunday

I’m not going to sugarcoat it (ha ha – no pun intended) but I’m feeling a bit melancholy on this beautiful Easter Sunday. I’m used to large family celebrations, or at least ones on a smaller scale. I equate it to Thanksgiving where there is always way too much food (and too much wine). I typically do a large Easter egg hunt with hundreds of plastic candy filled eggs for some of the little kids of my friends since my 16 year old is surely not into that although she always set up the hunt.

This year it is only the three of us. Me, my hubby and daughter. Hubby’s mom bailed bc she is doing Easter with hubby’s cousin later today and has things to do. My brother is sick and can’t make it. We were invited to a large Easter lunch later today but hubby has to work and I am driving daughter three hours (each way) to meet her dad and grandma. And they will continue another three hours to their home so she can spend the week there.

This isn’t so much about the wine, though when I get into pity party mode the thought creeps in. It’s more about missing family traditions of large talkative celebrations. I know in every part of me that I need to giddy up and put my big girl panties on and enjoy the quiet family gathering. But I guess I just needed to verbalize that deep down inside I’m sad. I miss my mom who passed away almost four years ago. She used to invite anyone and everyone who had nowhere to go, a tradition i usually follow. I miss my sister and her family who live in another state.

This year is the three of us and I can promise that I will make the most of every moment. And when I come home from the long drive I think I will have a free hour to chill and read or whatever I want to do before hubby gets homeI. hate sounding so negative but I actually feel way better expressing this. So happy (hoppy) Easter and hope you all have an amazing day!!!

P.S. please don’t think I’m not grateful for all that I DO have. I’m just really having a hard time with the quiet when I am used to chaos. When it’s all said and done I’m sure I will find many positives and will absolutely not entertain the thought of drinking. Even if the beverage store delivers 50 free cases of wine to my house today I will not drink. And of course there are the puppies and kitties to think about…right Lilly and Belle? No way no how!!!

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6 thoughts on “A New Kind of Easter Sunday

  1. Right. You can’t drink! The kittens! This is brief as on my iPad and running off soon to my challenging party (where I absolutely will not drink) but thinking of you and hugs to you and happy Easter. I hope it is a lovely, if quiet, one. Don’t apologise for expressing your feelings here ever – that’s what we’re here for 😉 xxx

    • Yep…those poor mewing kittens…no way, no how! So glad to hear of your success at the party. I do know that those social situations are a bitch. Haven’t had to face one yet, but will re-read your blog entry when it comes time because it was a huge accomplishment on your part. YAY for you (and me!) We are on same day I believe, so about to hit the month mark!

  2. i hope that your easter was a nice quiet day, even if it was lacking in holiday cheer, and that wherever you are right now you are enjoying some time to yourself. melancholy definitely makes sense today, no need to sugarcoat! being disappointed by holidays or events in the past was definitely a drinking trigger (or an excuse to drink?) for me. thankfully after this we are in a holiday-free stretch (i think?) for a few months. 🙂

    • Hey K! It’s funny how we actually see MANY things as a trigger to drink. Too quiet, wanna drink. Too chaotic, a drink would help. Sun is shining – let’s celebrate with a drink. Heavy rains – let’s drown our sorrows. UGGGGH. All of those “reasons” which I now know are pure horse shit. Hope you are having a marvelous day!

  3. Let yourself off the hook. Just because we stop drinking, and we get active in our recovery and we have loving family and wonderful support and we have gratitude lists out the yin-yang and we’re honest in our emotions and we are active in helping others…we’re still going to have some shitty days. We’re still going to have days where we cry at dog food commercials, where we will hate the bus driver for no reason whatsoever. We’re still going to have days where we want a drink, and have days where we want to hug the whole world and then two minutes later strangle the whole world. It’s early recovery. That’s how it it works. That is how it worked for me too.

    So you are fine to say that you are sad about today, that perhaps you were disappointed, that you missed your family, and it wasn’t the best Easter for you. That’s ok. You realize that yes, you have things to be grateful for, but we don’t always feel it. Sadness pervades even the strongest spiritual guru’s life out there. It’s ok to have those feelings early on.

    Enjoy your time. Holidays come and go. You’ll have some awesome ones, no doubt. you may look back on this day in a year or more and realize it perhaps was meant to be a quiet one. Perhaps you were *supposed* to be in a quieter place. Who knows.

    Thanks for posting this – it was great to read 🙂

    Paul

    • Paul, you always know exactly what to say. Here’s what is really funny – if it had been a hectic, chaotic day, I am guessing I would have craved peace and quiet. I think it relates to what I wrote back to Kedzie up above – there seemed to ALWAYS be a reason (usually a bullshit one of course) to drink. Now we start to learn that this mode of thinking is really not normal…and we have to learn new coping strategies to work out those obsessive thoughts in our head. Anyways, all I can do is ask/pray to my higher power for my freedom every day and thank Him for my freedom at the end of every day. One of the few cycles that IS worth repeating 🙂

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