I continue to think back on all of the DRAMA MAMA from just 5 days ago. It feels like it all happened FOREVER ago…and just those few hours of ridiculous self-indulgence resulted in “losing” 28 days of sobriety. So…let’s do some math here folks. I drank for about four hours on Saturday night – just a few glasses of wine (though believe me – I wanted more). FOUR HOURS. Now…let’s look at the 27+ days I had before “Day 28”. 24 hours in a day times 27 days = 648 hours PLUS an additional 18 hours (I started drinking at 6 PM) – so that was 666 hours (give or take a few and sorry for the scary number!) of sobriety. In just FOUR hours time, the numbers dramatically changed.
Now…I don’t know everyone’s take on this, but I did not TRULY LOSE those days/hours/weeks. I GREW and LEARNED and SHARED and REACHED OUT and READ and ATTENDED MEETINGS and did so many things that are “right” for my recovery during that time. Sometimes, I’m a bit hesitant to count the days…because even though I feel like I am supposed to say that I am on Day Four, I sure wish I could say that I was on Day 32 minus a few hours. Because that’s where I’m really at.
SO…Belle was actually the one to really get me thinking about all of this…she may or may not share some ramblings I had about my recent slip. If it was planned or not. How it came about. No rationale could ever be good enough to explain it. BUT…I want you to each do some homework. It’s math, but it’s important. Take the number of days you are sober. Multiply that by 24. That is how many HOURS you are sober. Will it really be okay to “lose” those hours over a couple of drinks? If you are weeks, your math gets harder…and those in the months and years really have their work cut out for them with mathematical formulas. But it’s something to think about if the thought crosses your mind to “have just one”. Will an hour of drinking be WORTH IT to potentially “lose” those clearheaded and sober hours that you have?
Even right now, with 4 days, that’s 96 hours. So that sure sounds like a lot of time I have gained again to re-think, re-examine and re-prioritize. I’m still a firm believer that this journey is not the same for everyone. My mis-steps are MY mis-steps…and any detours or steps backwards that I take are simply a part of my path. As long as I am continuing to try to do the “next right thing” all the time, then I’m on the right path. It will be if I go backwards and start to delusionally think again that I can drink safely and without consequences that I will suffer the most.
Who knows if this even makes sense. But once I started to think about all that I had gained and how QUICKLY it could slip away, I wanted to share. So do your math…if you feel like it, post your numbers. And let me know if you think that a few hours or drinking is worth it to risk that time you have gained.
Hope everyone has a wonderful, fabulous day!!!