Rah Rah Rah…Mission Accomplished

So…a very good friend of mine is in town for a week, and the plan for tonight was to meet up at another good friend’s house. I volunteered to send out the email, and the evening was a light and casual one – BYOB and an appetizer to share. There were 8-12 of us at any given time, and I brought my specialty appetizer, which everyone ooohed and ahhed over. I brought my sparkling water concoction in a new Jervis tumbler that you can’t really see through. I also brought a full large refill bottle that I kept in my purse, and refilled it unobtrusively from time to time.

It was so awesome to see my friend – only she and one other friend (who was also there) know of my “struggles” and how I am working on bettering things. All of the girls at the party are former drinking buddies, but I truly do believe that they will continue to be my very good friends. Not ONE mention was made of what I was drinking…until towards the end when someone who had definitely had enough asked what I was drinking. Since I had already gone 4+ hours without the question, I was a little caught off guard and simply said “some sparkling water.” and that was it; she dropped it (and almost spilled wine all over me as she got up to move on to the next conversation). This gal also left her sweater and glasses that I brought home (she lives nearby)…hmmmm.

The voices got louder and louder as the night went on, and the stories got more and more “embellished.” I tossed in my fair share of funny comments, witty remarks and wise advice. Not ONCE was I jealous of the not drinking part – and I will say – EVERYONE did have either wine or beer that they were drinking. The red wine (which I used to enjoy) actually started to smell bad as more bottles got poured. I think the hardest part for me was my own self-conscious worry that if people knew I wasn’t drinking, that they would wonder why I wasn’t drinking – and probably guess as to why I shouldn’t drink. But ya’ know what…why I’m even remotely concerned about that baffles me.

It was indeed a glorious moment to leave the party (I stayed until almost midnight – 5 solid hours!) and have the clear headed feeling that I have right now. The key was having a plan and sticking to it. If I can not only survive, but THRIVE with this small of a group who were all drinking, then I know I can continue to enjoy larger parties where it is a bit easier to blend in with the crowd. Seriously – being around one table with all of those women and feeling at ease and relatively comfortable in my own skin WITHOUT my crutch was a huge accomplishment. In time, I am sure I will feel more and more relaxed, and not with the help of my buddy chardonnay. My motto is – I am fine with situations that INVOLVE drinking, but I definitely know I need to avoid situations that REVOLVE around drinking. I was extremely happy to spend time with my out of town friend, and also with friends I had not seen in awhile.

I thought of you guys, and my AA buddies, and my family and MYSELF as I continue on this journey. I’m not going to get all “pink cloudy” and say it was the best night of my entire life. There were moments of unease, anxiety and self-doubt. But the good FAR outweigh the bad as I am about to go take off my makeup, brush my teeth, and look forward to waking up with a clear head ready to face the day!!!

Ta ta for now šŸ™‚

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8 thoughts on “Rah Rah Rah…Mission Accomplished

  1. Love this! Love it. So great for me to read today, I have experienced this exact same thing, enjoying parties not drinking.. looking at those drinking and wondering what they have that I don’t (nothing).. fabulous feeling afterwards! Fresh! Today I’m tired and grouchy and low and eating crap.. not feeling like drinking but just emotions emotions low tired grumpy emotions. Great to be reminded of the positive choices we are making. thank you xxx

  2. AWESOME! It’s such a great feeling, isn’t it? YAY. You should be really, really proud; this is a huge first, and let me tell ya, it gets easier and easier–and really interesting–staying sober at social events.

    I’m going on a boat trip tomorrow, and while I’ve done a few before and really dreaded/was nervous about not drinking while everyone else did in the small confines of a boat, this time I’m not even thinking about drinking or not drinking. There will be drink, and I won’t partake. (I might be bored, but, oh, well.) By now, it feels OK/normal to not drink at social events, even when others are. No one really cares, or notices for that matter, and by the middle of the trip, I’ll already be noting how: good I feel snorkeling SOBER, sharp and alert; good I feel NOT being drunk in the hot sun (ugh); good I feel NOT being the one talking too loudly or saying things I regret; GREAT knowing that I’ll get off the boat at 5 pm, ready to start my evening instead of pass out and/or gear up for a two-day hangover.

    Proud of you! Rock on!

    • I am looking forward to the “feeling OK/normal” when I don’t drink at social events. In all honesty, I felt like I had a huge scarlet A tattooed on my forehead for all to see. “Psssstttt…that’s the girl who used to drink massive amounts but she finally figured out that she can’t drink so now she’s a TEE-TOTALLER*” Ha ha. A much better way to start the day for sure šŸ™‚ Thanks!

  3. Awesome stuff there…what you said about the “involve / revolve” is brilliant. There is a big difference between the two, and for me it wasn’t so much about there being alcohol somewhere, but it was about my *motives*. Was I there to prove something or to live vicariously through those people, or was I there for a legit reason and/or just being in a social setting where alcohol is involved. When I was early in recovery, I couldn’t be *anywhere* where booze was. I just didn’t have the fortitude and mental defenses.

    Great post – loved reading it. it does get easier, and yes, as you found, 99% of the people really don’t care what you are or are not drinking. And those who are very upset about it are either fellow thirst slakers like us, or probably had a few too many themselves and want drinking buddies šŸ™‚

    Cheers,

    Paul

    • Awesome food for thought (as always) Paul. You hit the nail on the head – last night I was there for a LEGIT reason and it happened to be that alcohol was involved…heavily involved I might add…but like I said, these were my former drinking buddies, so I didn’t expect any less. Being the one with the eagle vision eyes was humorous at times. Each gal brought their own bottle and red seems to be the new trendy flavor of the month. I did vividly notice the one who went through her bottle rather quickly…and then proceeded to pour from all of the other bottles. And FINALLY was relieved that the hostess did indeed have extras. Of course I’m not judging – that SO would have been me in the past! I was doing my own sneaking over to my purse to refill my tumbler – trying to do it as nonchalantly as I could without bringing attention to myself! The crazy shit that goes through out brains…unbelievable! šŸ™‚

  4. sober girls (and paul) rock šŸ™‚ you’re doing so great … love the insights here. very very awesome. beep beep, MG’s sober car is coming through ..maybe your sober car is an MG? MG’s MG is coming through!

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