I know for a million percent fact to be gentle with myself today and to be sure I have my plans in place.
I lost my mom in July of 2009 and like many can say, she was my role model and hero. She divorced my dad after 29 years of which about the last nine (probably more) were tolerated only because of “the kids”, meaning me at 16 or so as both of my siblings were older. My dad was a sullen, brooding, mean drunk. The kind who lost jobs and blamed it on everything except for his 24/7 drinking. When mom got the courage to leave, she was a free woman doing things like learning to drive at age 50 and being in charge of her newfound life.
Mom and I were incredibly close. I was the baby and we had a special bond i cant even begin to describe. For the last 4 months of her life we had hospice coming in several times a week. My older sister (with whom mom had a bit of an estranged relationship with) came up to help. I was newly divorced at the time and had just bought my first house of my own, 20 minutes away from mom, and where I currently live. Sis and I took turns with the care taking. The on duty daughter would stay full time with mom and after a few days would switch places with the other who would have been staying at my house refueling their well. To this day I can’t thank my sister enough because she left her whole world that was 10 hours away to share in this journey. We had different care taking styles but each benefited mom in its own unique way.
I instinctively knew within a week from when mom was going to succumb to her illness. My sister had left on a Thursday for a brief visit home, followed by an intended annual trip to a festival she enjoys. This was all planned only because of how well mom was doing. Eerily, I knew without a doubt that mom would pass on my watch and sure enough, Sunday morning I awoke to her no longer being in our physical world. It was heartbreaking but also relieving to see my mom out of all her pain. Her independence had been compromised and I know how difficult it was for her to feel like a burden on others. Her selfless attitude and sense of humor carried with her to the end.
What I can do today is conjure up all of the millions of wonderful memories I have of her. I can live like she had lived which means sending a smile someone’s way, refraining from judgment and enjoying family time, being 100% present.
I also know that staying poison
free is a way to honor her memory. No matter how my day goes I want nothing more than to honor my amazing mother. I set my expectations low for the day because I don’t want to get myself into a tizzy if they are not met, which has definitely been the case in the past.
All I want is some reading time (which I’m about to do now even though its only 5 am – hell – I’m up for now anyways.). I want our regular family church time and I want one hour of help from the fam cleaning the downstairs which I have already mentioned to them this whole past week. Plan B if that doesn’t come to fruition? To do the cleaning myself to rocking 80’s tunes and without resentment because it simply must be done. I also want about half an hour by myself for a good cry and to remember all the good times. I don’t see this as weak but instead to give myself space to grieve.
Happy moms day to all who are moms. For those still lucky enough to have your moms, please treasure every moment and do a little something extra for them today. For those without, please do something extra special for yourself and give yourself time to walk down memory lane with them.