I swore up and down that I would completely unplug on this vacation…that blog posts might not even happen and to my new sober pen pals, I apologized in advance for the possibility of being completely out of pocket. It is 6:45 AM and I am sitting on our ground floor patio watching and listening to the ocean – this is my FIRST TIME ALONE since 7 AM yesterday morning. That is 24 hours (minus the 6 hours of sleep last night) that I have had to be “on.” Add in a few kinks and you will understand why I was so anxious to come talk to my friends in the sobersphere 🙂
Of course first and foremost, this is my first soberlicious vacation in quite some time – years to be exact. Add to that the fact that I am doing this very early on and you can probably relate to how I feel. Sometimes, the absolute smallest things annoy me. On our drive, I felt my snippiness coming on without even meaning to do so. It does NOT help that my daughter’s friend (who moved away last year) has changed…and is now a self-centered, snobby, ungrateful 17 year old – yep – even more so than your average teenager. She recently lost some weight (good for anyone who does this of course), but if I hear one more time about how she doesn’t have boobs anymore b/c of all the weight she lost (maybe 20 pounds – again – good for her), then I will scream. It reminded me of the need to be humble for sure. While planning our menu in the car (I cook 5 of the 7 nights), I learned that she eats all healthy, organic foods. Well – groceries on an island are expensive enough, and though I feel like I am a VERY healthy cook, I have never gotten on the organic bandwagon.
I made turkey burgers last night – something I had never even made before. It helped tremendously that I had brought with us from home about 25 various spices, knowing how expensive they are and also how much flavor they add, so I wanted to have them on hand. I gotta say – these turkey burgers were quite delicious. Did I get a “yum – these are good?” Nope. Did I get a “thanks for dinner!” Nope. With so much I am learning I really try not to do things for recognition, but a simple thank you would have gone a long way.
The key to this vacation so far has been planning. Obviously, step one was to not pack any wine. Our car was full enough thank you very much without bringing it – because I made up tenfold by bringing sparkling waters and diet cranberry juice etc. Step two was being sure I was in a good place when we went to the grocery store yesterday so that I did not buy any wine. Honestly, I don’t even remember if the store had a wine aisle – I’m sure it did – but not for a single nanosecond did the thought even cross my mind. Step three was some communication with my husband – filling him in on some of my “sneaky tricks” that I have pulled in the past to be sure I don’t try to pull those again.
After dinner, the girls went out and hubby and I took a LONG walk on the beach. We both felt the same way about this pretentiousness that was oozing. All the talk about country clubs and designer purses and money was rubbing each of us the wrong way. Unless there are specifics which are truly ridiculous, I find it best to simply let her be. My daughter is about as non-uppity as she can get, and it will be interesting to see how the dynamics play out. I would bet money right now that there will be some kind of fallout at some point in time this week between the two girls. You just can’t go around flaunting how great you are and how much money you have. It’s downright annoying, even to someone who has countless years of sobriety, I would guess. This time last year, I don’t know that I would have let this teenager bother me as much as I have. I would have started numbing at 5 PM and these feelings I have would have remained buried and unresolved.
Another downfall of no alone time is that it made it really difficult to call my sponsor yesterday. We went from 6 and 1/2 hours in the car to unpacking to the grocery store and then home so I could cook dinner. The girls took turn taking showers, so there was always someone in the kitchen with me. Finally after dinner was made and eaten, dishes done and girls gone, it was 10 PM, a little late. I did keep in touch with her by text and her very appreciated advice was to make sure that I found some time alone, which is what I am so grateful for right now.
Well, alone time is over. That was 1/2 an hour and hubby is up and of course it is Father’s Day. In all of the excitement for the trip, we did not find Father’s Day presents, but decided to make this a Father’s Day Week revolving around where we are staying and will surprise him with a small gift every day. I did buy a card, and we will treat him like a king even more so than we usually try to do.
I cannot get over the absolutely beauty of where we are. Our villa is no more than 150 yards from the water of the ocean – about 100 to where the sandy beach starts. All of the grass and marsh is green…and there are even 3 deer grazing as we speak. The sky is the most vivid shade of blue you can imagine – I love how it goes from darker to lighter and then touches into the blue of the ocean with a contrast betweeen a light sky blue and a dark indigo ocean. People are already out walking – with each other, with dogs, on bikes. Palm trees are swaying and flowers are vibrant. And best of all of this – I feel amazing. I feel an absolute sense of peace and am starting to accept the idea of surrender. I’m doing a lot of praying and a lot of reflecting. I am learning that you really do NOT have to drink to have fun and enjoy life – as a matter of fact I feel like I am having more fun and enjoying life as it is meant to be enjoyed.
Still early on in my day count and will share my milestone when I get there. For now, I am just happy to be on this journey with all of you. If the worst thing to happen on this vacation is that I have to deal with snobbiness, then sign me up! Onward and upwards I say. It’s time now (7:20 AM) for a LONG LONG LONG walk on the beach with my husband and then we will start to set up the tent to enjoy a day of awesomeness on the beach where I can refuel and rejuvenate. This is my favorite place to be in the entire world and seeing it with a new set of eyes that are wide awake even adds to the beauty, which I would have never thought possible.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there and everyone have a great day!