Patting Myself on the Back

When we accomplish things, whether big or small, I honestly don’t feel like we give ourselves enough credit. We seem to minimize the victories, and I gotta tell you, I’m just gonna shout from the rooftop on this one. I made it through a “dinner with another couple that I ALWAYS drink with” tonight. And not just dinner, but we were at their house for FIVE HOURS.

I’m not gonna lie – it was hard. Was the not drinking part hard? Today, not in the least. Not one smidgen of me wanted even the teeniest tiniest sip of alcohol. Okay – after I was asked for about the 6th time if I was SURE I didn’t want to have a glass of wine, it was tempting to just have one to shut them up. Ha ha, just one, right?!? At that point, that’s when I felt like I started to stick to my guns to prove to myself that I COULD have a plan and keep with it. I brought a sparkling coconut water with me in a bottle that I nursed on for most of the night. On one of the offers for a glass of wine, I said no, but you don’t happen to have a diet coke, do you? They did not – but they had a Coke Zero, which I said sounded great. It was not great. It was not even fine. It was disgusting. But that was probably better b/c that way it lasted the rest of the night. Sometimes when I’m not drinking I will bring a bunch of yummy sparkling waters and then I look like a camel who can’t get enough water.

While wife and I went to pick up the food (it didn’t help that her and hubs were fighting), she asked again if I was sure I didn’t want a glass of wine with dinner . I said something like “you know me – it’s never just one glass – I’d have 12 glasses and I just have too much going on tomorrow.” Her response. “Well, you could just have 2 or 3.” I said, “It’s no big deal. I’m just not gonnna drink tonight.” And she said “Man. I admire you. I can’t think of the last evening I didn’t have at least ONE drink.” To that I think I countered with something like “I still want you to have fun and enjoy yourself. Just because I’m not drinking doesn’t mean that you can’t!” And it was done for then, until we got back to their house, and a few more asks of me, and finally, I guess they left it alone.

Now some may wonder, why in the world would I EVER put myself in a position this early on to have dinner with a couple that I used to drink heavily with? One that I’m not quite sure has seen me without a glass of wine in my hand more than a few times. A couple that between them had at least 3 bottles of wine, and possibly more – hard to tell b/c one had red and one had white. I don’t CARE how much they drank – I cared how much I did NOT drink. So anyways, we had actually arranged the dinner to talk about some financial stuff – I don’t want to get into the details, but something that they were possibly selling that we were hoping to buy. That never even came up once. My hubs lightly brought it up while wife and I were picking up food, but other hubs was a little evasive, so it was dropped. We are thinking that perhaps wife wants to sell the item and hubs doesn’t. Whatever happens, happens.

These are honestly two of my favorite people in our neighborhood. I absolutely adore them both, and we have always had a special friendship with them. The worst part of the evening was the feeling that I was making THEM uncomfortable by not drinking. Honestly, I think I was just as funny if not funnier than I normally am. They were laughing at all I was saying, and we even did some chair dancing (which I do have to admit I had a fleeting thought that it is much harder sober than loosened up).

On the way home, I told hubby, I’m not gonna lie to you – THAT WAS HARD!!! But he told me he was super proud of me and that I did a great job. And then, as proud as I was of myself, I am even PROUDER of my daughter.

I had texted her to ask when she was coming over and I got back “At XXX’s house – long story.” Well, we got home at 11:30 and she still wasn’t home so I called her. I got a text back immediately saying “Talking to XXX’s parents; will tell you when I head home.” She then called me before she left to let us know she was on her way. We got the story when she got home. Basically, she got a call at about 9:30 from XXX who was at a party and needed a ride home. Turns out, XXX was WASTED. My daughter had to stop to get gas and XXX got out of the car and puked in the bushes. My daughter got her a cup in case she needed to throw up again, and thank goodness, XXX has good aim. They got to the neighborhood and ran into another of their friends and together, they tried to at least help to make XXX look somewhat coherent before dropping her off at home. No use. They took her in and my daughter explained the situation as best she could, and left her friend in the care of her parents.

I kept thinking to myself – what if this story had been reversed? What if we had been the ones to receive a daughter who was drunk (and possibly high) and puking her guts out? I just felt such an incredible rush of pride in my daughter, and even though it was hard to do, I also gave myself some credit. Somehow I have done something right over all these years. I think my biggest fear is that she doesn’t want to drink because she doesn’t want to turn out like me. Even if that is the case, I HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT because I raised her well. So after watching an adorable video on my friend’s blog, I am going to give myself a positive affirmation again – I DID SOMETHING RIGHT.

Hope you don’t mind, Jackie, that I shared the video. It really meant a lot to me watching it today and it feels good to talk nicely to myself!

Everyone have a great day/evening wherever you are!!!



6 thoughts on “Patting Myself on the Back

  1. AWESOME. What are you going to treat yourself with? You deserve it! The longer I am sober, the more I realize that I don’t need booze to be “me” and be friendly and funny, AND, I don’t want to be the one out of control anymore, putting myself in the vulnerable position. Good for you!!!

    • THANKS DDG! I didn’t even think about a treat because I usually wait a few days between them, but I happened to read this while I was at the grocery store and you know what – hell to the yeah that was an incredibly difficult test, so I bought a small bouquet of peach roses that were on sale for myself. It really is true that we don’t need the booze to be ourselves, and it is AMAZING to feel so in control!!! Virtual booze-free cheer!!!

  2. I’ve seen that video before and it is indeed “full of the awesome”.

    It doesn’t really matter why your daughter turned out the way she did, just that she did! Way to go mom!!! What a caring, wonderful, sober girl you’ve raised.

    Now all you have to do is show her the sober mom you are and maybe even share some of your struggles. That way she’ll know how hard it is to quit but that she comes from some pretty amazing stock.


    • Thanks Sherry! I do want to eventually share some of my struggles – I KNOW that she knows that I have had issues. We have had some conversations about it, but nothing with the meat and potatoes that it deserves. I don’t know about amazing stock, but I did feel good about myself!

  3. My favorite video EVER!!! I try to watch it as often as I can. Really makes me feel good. Great job again to you- I knew you would do it. Great job with your daughter too. She sounds like a good friend- and great that she is honest with you. Mine are still little- I always say I am so glad my sister and a lot of my friends are doing the teenager stuff first because I am scared crap!!! Jackie

    • I’m so happy that you posted it because I had never seen it! And emailing with you yesterday really helped me a LOT. My sister is much older than me, and I am thankful for her wisdom as I navigate the waters. Also, most of my friends have teens, so we all have the “mom network” which makes it at least a bit easier! đŸ™‚ You’ll get through it just fine!!!

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