Loud Music and Steep Stairs

Well…I DID survive my first concert without my old friend Char Don Nay. Let’s see – the last concert I went to without drinking was…one about 2 years ago that did not serve any alcohol. That makes sense. I will say that I did better than survive last night, but I am not going to get all glittery with rainbows about it, because as I have read about others’ experiences like this, there is a word that always resonated with me. I felt FLAT. I was excited and giddy and did lots of chair dancing, but always in the back of my mind, I felt just a bit off. My inhibitions felt like they took over my body, and I felt a bit self conscious and anxious.

We were there for about 4 hours, between getting there, listening to opening act, changeover to main act, main act performing and encores. I did actually go TO the bar before it started, ordering a sugar free Red Bull for me and water for hubby. Did I have a fleeting thought that I could suck down a glass of wine real quick without hubby noticing? Of course. Did I consider buying a mixed drink and saying it was club soda/cranberry? Absolutely. But wouldn’t *I* know? Isn’t that the ultimate deciding factor? Well, yes it is. Honesty with myself is of the utmost importance.

Some random rememberings about the evening. The music was LOUD. Hubs even brought ear plugs for himself (he used to roadie at concerts so his ears have taken damage years ago). It was all general admission; there was a giant floor section, and then regular seats. Back in the day, I would have gone straight to the floor – we would have only been about 4 deep when we got there. Nah…seats sounded much better. But DAMN those stairs were steep – and no handrails. I’m sure many a person has done a faceplant there, and I was glad it wasn’t me. Like I said, I did a lot of chair dancing…not many people were standing, and I did not have that uninhibited “look at me” mentality that I usually have.

Funny how you think you know EVERY song from a group – but then they play, and you realize you only know about 1/3 of them. Despite my feeling of “flatness”, I also had a sense of pride and accomplishment. I was glad that my hubs didn’t make a big deal out of me not drinking. He did once ask if I was okay, but probably b/c I wasn’t my usual drunken outgoing self. I’m sure the outgoing-ness on my own will come back in time. We got home at midnight and thankfully, the energy drink did NOT screw with my sleep. I was asleep within about 30 minutes, though 5 AM came awful early to wake up daughter for work. Was able to go back to sleep until about 8:30 and then started my day.

Have not accomplished as much as I would like to so far today, but there are plenty of hours ahead. And I guess I’ll continue to give myself pats on the back for last night’s accomplishment, and also just for re-starting this journey. What has helped the ABSOLUTE most has been continuous interaction with the sobersphere. Pen pals. Reading blogs. Commenting on blogs. Feeling blessed to receive comments on MY blog. You do not know how much those kind words mean to me. Your support motivates and encourages me and helps me make it through another day. THANKS!


6 thoughts on “Loud Music and Steep Stairs

  1. Great post! Congrats, this is awesome! Yeah…for me, that flat feeling has persisted for my entire sobriety. I don’t know, it’s GREAT to be sober and I don’t need to drink to be fun and friendly, but…I still feel a bit flat at social events. All in due time, though; inch by inch, I DO feel my fire starting to light inside when I go out. And, I know that the allure of drinking to not feel flat is a straight-up illusion; for me, I won’t feel outgoing, I’ll get crazy, angry, and black out. So… one or the other, and I pick the other! Here’s to a first concert, and many more MEMORABLE ones to come! Hang in there, you got this. xx

  2. Woo-hoo! I totally relate to that flat feeling although…I’ve come to recognize it as feeling normal. Not every moment of every day has to be woo-hoo!! Let’s party!, the way it was when I was drinking. Being flat has become synonymous for me with being content.

    Whoa! Bet I just blew your mind. 😉

    Congrats on a great concert experience.


  3. I 100% hear you and I’ve also experienced that ‘flat’ feeling many times. Don’t let it get to you. I absolutely promise that it doesn’t mean that every time will be ‘flat’. There will be other times that you will amaze yourself at what a great time you have sober and how much you laugh or even dance. Then you’ll go out again and feel … flat… and be disappointed… then you’ll have a ball again … it’s sometimes just unpredictable. So many factors go into a great night… the music, crowd, company, food, hormones, energy levels, lack of sleep etc without the artificial rush of alcohol. Those flat nights used to really get me down. Now I’ve realised it’s ok and sometimes it’s good to just go home early to bed and another night will be another night. xxx

  4. Oh, yes, that flat feeling! I know what you mean too! I was sitting here trying to figure out the last time I have felt it and I honestly don’t remember. Maybe it eventually goes away and does become, as said above, the feeling of content! I know today other things make me way more excited than things I used to do when drinking – it think there might be something there – when you get sober I think things that make you truly excited change to! Well anyway, great post, congrats on making it through! -Maggie

  5. You nailed it. FLAT. That’s how I felt at my last sober concert. I was amazed how much everyone was drinking, too! Self conscious and flat. I enjoyed it, but it made me realize that certain things are, perhaps, never going to be the same without alcohol and maybe concerts is one of them? And maybe I need to find other things that make me feel GOOD instead of self-conscious. Great post!!!

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