Well…I DID survive my first concert without my old friend Char Don Nay. Let’s see – the last concert I went to without drinking was…one about 2 years ago that did not serve any alcohol. That makes sense. I will say that I did better than survive last night, but I am not going to get all glittery with rainbows about it, because as I have read about others’ experiences like this, there is a word that always resonated with me. I felt FLAT. I was excited and giddy and did lots of chair dancing, but always in the back of my mind, I felt just a bit off. My inhibitions felt like they took over my body, and I felt a bit self conscious and anxious.
We were there for about 4 hours, between getting there, listening to opening act, changeover to main act, main act performing and encores. I did actually go TO the bar before it started, ordering a sugar free Red Bull for me and water for hubby. Did I have a fleeting thought that I could suck down a glass of wine real quick without hubby noticing? Of course. Did I consider buying a mixed drink and saying it was club soda/cranberry? Absolutely. But wouldn’t *I* know? Isn’t that the ultimate deciding factor? Well, yes it is. Honesty with myself is of the utmost importance.
Some random rememberings about the evening. The music was LOUD. Hubs even brought ear plugs for himself (he used to roadie at concerts so his ears have taken damage years ago). It was all general admission; there was a giant floor section, and then regular seats. Back in the day, I would have gone straight to the floor – we would have only been about 4 deep when we got there. Nah…seats sounded much better. But DAMN those stairs were steep – and no handrails. I’m sure many a person has done a faceplant there, and I was glad it wasn’t me. Like I said, I did a lot of chair dancing…not many people were standing, and I did not have that uninhibited “look at me” mentality that I usually have.
Funny how you think you know EVERY song from a group – but then they play, and you realize you only know about 1/3 of them. Despite my feeling of “flatness”, I also had a sense of pride and accomplishment. I was glad that my hubs didn’t make a big deal out of me not drinking. He did once ask if I was okay, but probably b/c I wasn’t my usual drunken outgoing self. I’m sure the outgoing-ness on my own will come back in time. We got home at midnight and thankfully, the energy drink did NOT screw with my sleep. I was asleep within about 30 minutes, though 5 AM came awful early to wake up daughter for work. Was able to go back to sleep until about 8:30 and then started my day.
Have not accomplished as much as I would like to so far today, but there are plenty of hours ahead. And I guess I’ll continue to give myself pats on the back for last night’s accomplishment, and also just for re-starting this journey. What has helped the ABSOLUTE most has been continuous interaction with the sobersphere. Pen pals. Reading blogs. Commenting on blogs. Feeling blessed to receive comments on MY blog. You do not know how much those kind words mean to me. Your support motivates and encourages me and helps me make it through another day. THANKS!